Tuesday, January 25, 2011

semak-samun

menyemarakkan lagi post fadi.. haha.. dude.. aku benci kau tau tak? dr dlu lg.. kau tu dah laa mcm gedik je aku tgk.. tolong laa.. aku rimas org childish2 ni.. dgn org laen boleh kott.. but dgn aku.. sorry laa eh.. memg free je kne sembur kn.. menyemak je 24 jam kat sini apahal? menempel tak habis2.. kau sape? aku bukan kenal kau pn.. haha.. my words are harsh, i know.. and i'm proud of that.. sbb kalau aku tak harsh kau pn suka laa kn menyibuk2 sentiasa.. mintak maaf laa eh.. aku memg menyampah.. maybe kau akan ckp.. kalau tak suka knpe tak terus terang je.. what an idiot.. action speaks louder than words laa bitch.. tak nampak2 lagi ape yg slame ni aku buat kt kau? or u just want me to directly sembur kau.. believe me.. u'll regret.. again, i AM harsh.. so, stop playing around and get a life.. for sure, away from my life.. blahh laa kau.. tolong laa faham aku rimas.. lantak kau laa nk kata aku kasar ke apa.. mana bole lembut2 dgn semua org.. kau bukan family aku ke.. best friend aku ke.. balak aku ke.. yang aku boleh bersopan-santun, manja2, senyum gelak semua.. sorry, but in front of the world, aku heartless.. harsh.. peduli apa aku kalau nk terasa pn.. lagi bagus.. sbb at least sedar diri sikit.. haha.. nasib kau malang laa pulak aku kerek dgn kau.. so, pegi cari tempat laen laa.. menyemak seyh kau.. tak habis2 dtg tanpa motif.. kitorg bukan bff kau ke apa nk layan kau memanjang.. eww.. sorry laa.. malas aku.. dtg pastu cerita2.. apa kau ckp pn aku taktau.. yang aku tau.. aku biar je kau ckp sorg2.. haha.. nasib kau laa en.. dtg2 plak tu cte pasal laki sana-sini.. hell-oh.. aku yg ada balak pn tak mcm tu.. pasal semua laki kau nk cerita apahal.. dorg tu ntah2 kenal kau pn tak.. apatah lg nk kesah pasal kau.. tolong laa faham.. aku memang taktau apa masalah kau.. aku taknak laa pulak ckp direct aku menyampah kat kau.. sbb aku memg spesies sng menyampah kt org.. kdg2 tanpa sebab pn.. so, aku malas laa nk besar2kn bnde kecik sbb aku ingt aku sorg je yg meluat dgn kau.. since, aku memg mcm ni, aku ingt aku sorg je yg jahat, tak kesian langsung kt pathetic mcm kau ni.. rpenye ramai lg.. alhamdulillah laa jugak sbb org laen pn sedar kau mcm mne.. cuma kau tu je yg tak sedar2 diri.. aku taktau nk buat apa kasi kau sedar.. dah bnyk sgt pn aku buat selama ni.. kau tu tak paham2 jugak.. and one more thing, aku tak takut pn kalau kau terbaca bnde ni ke apa.. sbb at least kau tau kitorg tak suka kau.. dah jutaan kali kitorg pandang slack pn kau buat2 tak paham.. aku ckp kt sini sebijik2.. harap2 kau sedar laa eh.. penat tau tak bila ada bnde or org yg aku tak suka menggedik2 dkt2 dgn aku.. semua barang aku kau nk kn.. nk kata tak mampu, akaun kau ade bpe bnyk dlm tu? duit sdiri tak bole usik, duit org laen bole habiskn pulak eh.. bole blah.. ingat aku akan bg kalau kau mintak ape2? tolong laa weyh.. kalau aku tak bg kau ckp aku kedekut.. memg slalu pn kau ckp cmtu.. aku taknak kasi kau pinjam laptop, kau kata aku tamak pulak.. bitch, aku nk gne laptop AKU utk buat keje aku pn masalah ke.. kau sape nk semak2 gne laptop aku tu.. aku ulang, LAPTOP ni AKU punye.. bukan kau eh.. tp nk tanye sket, hak apa kau ade nk ckp aku kedekut? barang aku ke brg kau tu? and fyi, dgn org2 yg aku menyampah je aku bo layan.. dgn kwn2 aku aku bg je.. malang laa kau en.. bukan laa aku hadap sgn taknak kasi ape2.. bole je nk pnjm ke.. nk sikit ke.. tp kalau da mcm buat harta milik anda sdn bhd tu bole berambus laa.. dah kalau aku kata aku tgh guna, yg kau merengek2 nk jugak tu apahal? ingt aku nk layan? haram laa.. sikit pn aku tak kesian laa tgk kau pnye mengada tu weyh.. and lg satu, kalau kau nk kutuk2 pn lpas ni, ingat aku kesa.. sikit pn aku tak heran. bukan kau pn yg bg aku 4 flat.. bukan aku mati tak mkn pn kalau kne kutuk dgn kau.. lantak kau laa.. the main point is, kau tak patut mess up with me.. yg memg tak suka kau.. watch ur attitude there dude.. jgn mimpi org nk terima kau kalau kau suka buat bnde yg buat org meluat.. yg buat aku menyampah.. terus terang aku ckp.. aku tak suka org gedik. fullstop. kwn2 aku yg tak kesa dgn budak2 gedik pn bole jd menyampah dgn kau.. jd , jgn nk salahkan sikap aku yg randomly pangkah org.. sbb kalau memg aku sorg je yg tak suka.. mknenye kau takde masalah.. aku je yg tak berkenan dgn kau.. and that is a small matter laa kn.. tp smpi kwn2 aku yg tkde masalah mcm aku ni bole jd bengang gak dgn kau, u're facing shit here dude.. bear in mind.. kitorg da mls nk layan~

superwoman?

cukup ku kenal riak itu.. a serious reply.. sekadar berprotokol.. cuma untuk tampil elok pada mata-mata yang memandang.. tidak sumbang pada telinga2 yang mendengar.. juga manis diluah oleh bibir2 yang bersuara.. ya, hanya itu motifnya.. yup, i do trust you.. tapi.. perjalanan ini jauh lagi.. sedangkan usia yang baru mencecah setahun ini pun sudah terlalu banyak perit jerihnya.. apatah lagi untuk menanti saat menginjak ke 7 tahun itu.. mungkin mustahil pada visi sesetengah atma.. tapi aku masih yakin.. yakin dengan hati.. percaya pada naluri.. kata jiwa ini mungkin benar.. mungkin juga tidak.. tapi aku akan kekal di sini.. masih menunggu.. walau terasa bagai pedang tajam menusuk dan merobek diri.. aku akur.. kau tahu yang aku tak pernah seyakin ini.. kau cukup faham itu.. dan kau sedaya mungkin menjadi diri yang sebenar.. walau kau sangat tahu bahawa terkadang aku juga terguris.. kau abaikan itu.. semata-mata untuk tidak kelihatan palsu.. aku tersedar yang kau hanya begitu terhadapku.. itu yang kulihat.. dan aku masih mampu tersenyum setakat ini.. walau apa pun yang kau perlihatkan.. maaf andai bukan itu yang sebenarnya cuba kau pamerkan.. aku terima semua itu seadanya.. ada dirimu sudah terlalu cukup bagiku.. sehingga kini aku masih tertanya.. tidak sesaat pun deru nafasku tenang tanpa kelibat soalan itu.. soalan yang tak mungkin terjawab.. kau juga cukup tahu yang ini.. sudah sering benar ku suakan padamu.. tapi, kita hanya mampu terus tertanya tanpa menemui kuncinya.. sometimes, something is better when it is remained a secret.. ku juga hanya mampu memejam mata dan cuba memadamnya dari benakku.. walau ku tahu ia takkan pergi.. kau kenal aku.. sangat kenal mungkin.. kau pernah mengungkap yang kau takkan pernah faham aku.. benarkah itu? mungkin aku agak sukar difahami.. lebih suka menunjukkan secara tersirat.. tapi kau kukira cukup baik untukku.. at least you made it this far.. walau jutaan kali goyah dan hampir berpaling.. tapi, hingga kini kita masih di sini.. yup, i know that you know this very well though.. aku juga hairan.. but maybe its just fated this way.. aku cukup tahu yang kalam sebegini sudah terlalu sering ku perdengarkan kepadamu.. tapi, kau tahu aku kan? i'll keep repeating the very same things over and over again.. tika kau marah padaku, seringkali juga kau tuturkan perkara yang sama kepadaku.. tapi maaf, sekerap itu jugalah aku mengulanginya.. maaf sekali lagi.. i'm trying my best here to be a superwoman.. as if that will ever happen.. but at least it is worth trying right? as long as you're still there.. i'll be waiting.. walau jutaan kali telah kau izinkan ku pergi.. katamu, agar aku dapat yang lebih baik.. tapi, aku lebih utuh berpegang bahawa the first one should remain till the end, becoming the last one as well, for eternity.. hanya itu yang menyebabkan aku masih menunggu.. i'm not leaving dear.. i don't want to.. no matter how crazy i'll drive you.. i'll still want to be a part of you.. allow me wont you? namun, aku masih berpijak di bumi nyata.. oleh itu, tiada secebis harapan pun yang ku garapkan.. itu pesanmu.. the very moment you approached me back then.. and i still remember that.. not too much hope indeed.. i might get hurt.. maaf juga andai aku menjengkelkanmu.. berpura-pura baik? maaf, bukan itu niatku.. tapi, jika keadaan diselubungi kemarahan, mampukah api itu reda jika tidak salah seorangpun menjadi air? fikirkan ini.. i'm not trying to be nice.. just that, for me to be patient is always the best way.. at least only towards you.. and yes, you know this very well also.. you wont want to see me as the old me.. trust me.. you'll regret.. so, since i'm trying to accept you, as you are now, not the guy you used to be, i hope that you can accept me for who i am as well.. but its always fine for you to criticize anything.. aku terima andai ada yang kurang selesa bagimu.. suarakan padaku dan akan kucuba sebaik mungkin untuk penuhi harapanmu.. itu janjiku.. you are one of the most important people in my life.. don't leave.. i need you and them to stay strong.. but i can only hope for the best though.. for me.. for you.. for us.. for them..


*p/s: you know you changed me.. so, i hope it's fine for you to accept me.. dude.. how on earth could i happen to stuck with you.. i wonder.. too many sighs dah aku release.. tp still tak faham.. *sigh*

Sunday, January 2, 2011

ONE YEAR & COUNTING



uia semakin melambai dan memanggil manakala cuti kian melangkah pergi.. malas laa.. hmm.. sejarah telah lama terukir.. and she's here to reminisce the moments..



2 Jan 2010; 7.30 a.m.;
patutnye, waktu ni da kne g stadium.. budak plkn laa katakan.. huhu.. tp waktu ni.. brg pn tak siap lg.. punyelaa tak ingin nk g plkn tu.. hehe.. akhirnye.. kul 8.30 baru dia ade kt stadium tu.. buat2 laa mcm ayah anda pnye bus plkn nk lmbt2 pn takpe.. dia juz bwk 1 backpack n 1 luggage.. outfit pulak.. black tshirt.. baggy khakis pants.. muka pulak sikit bedak pn tak letak.. flip flops je dia pakai.. 1st impression of people towards her; rebellious.. but she didn't even care.. lantak laa.. bukan dia mntk pn bnde plkn ni.. heh.. dia tak peduli sape2 pn kt sekeliling dia.. and she also didn't realize that standing right behind her, was someone who will make a big impact in her life, later on.. she got on the bus and sit.. again, that very same dude was sitting right behind her.. both of them knew nothing and not expecting anything.. today, she knows that she has always been wishing to get to know that guy earlier.. how bout that dude? she never knows..



she's all happy to be his girl.. sume start pn in the end of plkn.. dia tak pnah knal pn that guy smpi da nk abis plkn tu.. dia tak pernah pn take any boys as a special someone.. but this time.. her instinct told her that he is the one.. she never knows why.. but she follows everything that was told by her instinct, for they are always right.. dia pn tak pernah expect that he could change her.. yup.. he's a bit of a jerk.. slalu je dia rse nk nangis n pressure because of him.. dia pernah regret her decision to accept him, back then.. tp dia cpt2 sedar.. after all, semua ni dtg dr Dia, and she should never have questioned.. slalu dia fikir.. why him?? padahal he always hurt her.. ntah.. dia takkan pernah ada jawapan untuk itu.. dia bole je blah bila2 dia suka.. there is someone waiting for her anyway.. tp, dia rase mcm ada something that stopped her from leaving.. and again, dia tak tau what is it.. dia tak tau knpe dia perlu stay.. but there's nothing that she could do, other than just.. stay.. she has asked Him.. in fact, she always ask Him.. but she got him as an answer.. so, why put the blame on her anyway.. yes, she deserves a whole lot better guy than him.. but as long as she was concern, she thinks that he's fine anyway.. very fine.. even if others disagree.. she couldn't care less anyway..


today, after a whole year had passed.. she's still with him.. and she's happy to be with him.. nk ckp pasal gaduh, memg jutaan kali laa.. tp, where's the fire kalau everything just go smoothly, right? there're always ups and downs.. too many if referred to them.. but she's fine with it.. all she knows that she shouldn't give up on anything.. she knows just very well, what's right and what's not.. she smiles all the hard way.. but the smile don't always represent happiness.. maybe.. just maybe.. she's very good at lying.. and hiding her feelings.. she cries in her sleep.. all alone.. no one knows.. dia tak kesa mcm mne pn the boy.. dia taktau knpe dia sgt amenable.. all she knows, she just go with the flow.. and she's certain that the flow will lead her to happiness.. one day.. when is that day? she's willing to wait even if it takes forever.. and again, she can't find the reason of her being so willing to do so.. she never knows.. he doesn't even have any slightest idea.. they couldn't think of any valid explanation, or possibilities.. and me? i'm just the one who tells the story.. of her.. of him.. of them.. and probably, of us.. ;)


*p/s: you shouldn't guess! xoxo~