oh yes i have a weird kind of ****-phobic so what?

exam week.. so, supposed laptop kesayangan ni tak bernyawa n melalui tempoh kuarantin.. arrgghh.. aku mana bole hidup kalau tkde bnde ni.. saya takmau jd zombie! hehe.. okayh.. back to the topic.. blablabla.. phobia? apakah? oh.. sesungguhnya inilah pertama kali dlm hidup aku rse cuak nk exam.. hell it hurts so much.. azuan ckp; "nmpk sgt kau tak pnah lalui failure".. yup.. memg tak pnah.. and taktau lahh pulak sakit dia mcm ni pnye teruk.. well, maybe for some people tak laa teruk.. but since that was my first time, aku tak reti nk handle lahh.. aku fobia dgn final exam since result yg mcm sampah last sem tuh.. i was like.. what?? aku speechless.. taktau silap kt mana.. yang ada dlm otak aku dr dlu smpi skrg juz.. "takpe.. tkde rezeki.." not saying that i'm not redha.. tp org semua sikit2 nk tnye.. hell-oh.. i'm not perfect.. yeah.. you can say that i have this and that and blablabla.. but still.. nashihin hanis ismail is just an ordinary homosapien.. i may call that a tragedy.. haha.. nashihinhanis yg all these while seems perfect.. tbe2 dpt result teruk? well.. tak laa smpi fail.. but a B- is like a thunderstruck straight to my face.. you may say.. alaa.. taklahh teruk mana.. you have all the rights to judge.. tp bila seorang nashihinhanis yg dpt B- tu, rse mcm dunia dah terbalik je.. haha.. overdescriptive pulak aku kn.. apa2lahh.. tp that tragedy secara tak langsung buat aku sedar.. roda itu berpusing dan tak setiap masa di atas.. tragedi itu juga sedikit sebanyak mengetuk pintu akal nashihinhanis yang realiti memang tak indah setiap masa.. baru skrg aku tahu apa perasaan org2 yg pernah gagal.. lps 18 tahun hidup dlm semua yg cukup terancang and full of satisfaction, tbe2 mcm ada batu besar jatuh hempap bila dpt something yg out of prediction.. lebih malang, mana silapnya pn aku tak nmpk.. aku bukn masuk exam hall dgn kepala kosong tawakkal semata.. bukan jugak masuk exam hall semacam zombie lantaran kekangan masa smpi tak tdo2.. aku masuk, jawab da keluar pd hari itu secara normanya yg biasa aku lalui.. tak wujud kejanggalan mahupun kerunsingan dan kerisauan.. yakin seakan selalu dan sebiasanya.. tp entahlahh.. aku hanya mampu tetapkan ini sebagai ujian dr Dia..dan atas paksi yg sama juga aku berhak utk takut.. takut utk melalui sekali lagi.. sekali gagal memang bukan bererti gagal selamanya.. tapi bukankah gagal sekali juga membuka ruang dan peluang utk gagal secara seluruhnya.. berlandaskan itu aku selama ini berusaha sesungguhnya utk tidak jatuh.. tp setelah sekali terpelecok buat aku kekok utk terus mengatur langkah.. cukup takut.. seakan aku tidak pernah tahu apa itu langkah.. membuat aku rasa bagai segalanya perlu dihentikan.. yes, i am a perfectionist.. by hook or by crook, everything must go the way i want it to be.. aku tak fikir benda lain.. orang lain.. it  does seem selfish.. tp salah akukah jika cuba membina hidup sendiri tanpa pergantungan melainkan kepadaNya? kerana hanya Dia yang kekal.. aku tak mau tali pautanku hilang andai berharap pada tali yang akan reput.. kerana aku tahu sakitnya seorang setelah terlalu dibiasakan berdua, bertiga, mahupun seramai mungkin.. i don't want to take the risk of disappointment.. biarlaa org nk ckp apa pn.. seorang manusia sentiasa mempunyai hak dan pilihan bukan? back to the topic.. a perfectionist memang taktau nk handle failure.. but i'm learning.. step by step.. i am trying to face it with courage and beat it with strength.. but a cut always leave a scar isn't it? that scar is deep.. very deep though.. until i can't even reach the bottom to clean it away.. biarkan.. mungkin parut itu juga penting utk aku.. supaya aku boleh khabarkan bila org bertanya.. aku juga pernah gagal.. aku juga insan ciptaan Allah yang tidak, tidak mungkin, dan tidak akan pernah sempurna.. biarkan.. mungkin selepas ini parut ini akan membuat aku lebih teliti.. melihat dengan mata tertutup.. kerana secara kasar yang kita nampak mungkin juga sebenarnya tidak wujud.. semuanya mungkin.. and i can only wish that that is the first and last failure utk seorg nashihinhanis.. sbb bukan aku takmau kecewa.. tp aku takmau menghampakan banyak atma yang penuh harap.. and i'm sorry for disappointing you all lovely people in my life.. and i'll try to promise you that it won't happen again.. i'll try.. and i'll try my best..

 

conclusion; NashihinHanisIsmail is trying her best to live her life as a magnicifently great girl.. hahah..

~lost~

hanis.. knpe susa sgt nk chill lately ni.. org ckp sket, da trase.. since when u're like this, girl.. kau bukan pnah amik kesa pn apa org buat or ckp kt kau.. he'd done nothing.. NOTHING dear.. so, knpe kjp2 nk trase.. trase sbb apa pn ntah laa.. it's just the feeling of disappointment.. no.. i think it's that u're just feeling lonely.. you want someone but he can't be there.. tkpelaa.. bukan salah dia pn.. salah kau yg mengada sgt tu knpe.. takkan laa spnjg masa nk dia ada dgn kau.. yg serabut sgt ni knpe.. apsal mcm tak tenang langsung ni.. pastu suka merepek ape2 tah.. hanis, wake up.. kau tgh exam.. tau, tgh exam tak bole mcm ni.. tp mne nk tau serabut2 ni nk dtg time ni.. tolong laa.. you won't want the same thing to happen right? you know exactly what i mean.. lpas tu lately knpe mcm fake gila.. yg acuh tak acuh je melayan org knpe tah.. kesian org.. kalau kau nmpk happy pn, i know it's not you.. it's FAKE.. totally bogus.. hanis, knpe mcm ni? taktau.. kau memg dari dulu semua pn taktau kn.. annoying.. i know.. and kau memg da tak tumbuk2 dinding kalau bengang.. tp kau buat apa? u still hurt urself.. yg kasi calar2 tgn tu knpe? where's the hanis that i know? u're not that heartless girl i know anymore.. kau skrg mcm lost.. why.. what happened.. taktau.. hanis, ape kau nak sbnrnye.. knpe kacau dia.. jgn laa kacau dia.. dia busy tu.. and jgn nk harap sgt dia akan ada.. no one is able to be there all the time for you dear.. only Allah wills.. seek for him.. da cari.. tp knpe still mcm ni.. chill.. chill.. and chill.. you don't know the reason of all this.. i know that kau sdiri pn tgh confuse.. focus dear.. get back on track.. move on.. i know that u being like this has totally nothing to do with him.. kau ada masalah sdiri.. and you need him.. but u're not the kind of girl yg tau nk spill probs kt org.. kau nk dia ada.. bukan sbb kau nk solve ur probs.. kau just need someone to cling on.. u know when u have him by ur side kau akan rse secured and chill sikit.. but that's not solving the problem.. that's running away from it.. and you've never been like this before.. where's the courage, girl? u're turning into someone else.. please.. come back.. wake up.. they want you like who you used to be.. the great hanis.. please.. i beg you.. be strong.. and stop hurting yourself by doing something reckless.. that won't do you any good either.. come on girl.. you know you can do it better..

-love, your lost soul, that always want you back-

fault?

Is it a fault to have a bit of reliability on someone else at times, when you're already in a relationship with someone?

Preserving loyalty is hardcore,dear.. And I do need you to lend a hand in doing so. Please, just by being there is helpful enough. because, sincerely,  you know.. and i know.. that the one i need is just you.. what i saw in the other person is you.. eventhough i know i'm talking with someone else, what i think about is you.. i really wish that the one i'm talking to is really you.

Be there for her, before she seeks for someone else.. And don't even let her do that. She's not that strong, and she needs someone beside her sometimes. Ensure that person is you.. And don't even let someone else take your place.. Who knows if she might loose your grip.. her love is just for you.. mark that in mind.. but when you're not around, and she desperately need a shoulder to cry on.. she does try her best to wait for you.. but there's also something called 'perfect timing', when someone is there.. at the right moment, at the right place.. to be exact, with her.. it's not for you to blame her... but just by being there will assure you to have her love for you.. and only you.. She's yours.. so, be hers..

she's already feeling guilty now.. and she's so sorry that she looks for someone else to spill her misery.. but that someone else.. she promise, won't have her heart.. because after all, her heart and love is all yours.. and only yours..

-writing this in the state of a guilty mind, Hanis-

War of the Wardrobes? HELP!!!

-my wonderful wardrobe-

okay.. tajuk je gempak sebenarnya issue tak laa serius mana.. haha.. eh2.. tp critical jugak lahh.. the notion; almari sudaa terlalu penuh and baju taktau nk letak mana dah.. and yes, that's my wardrobe.. padat maximum dah tu.. haha.. but yet, bnyk lagi baju tak masuk.. kt rumah ni aku maen letak je baju aku kt mne2 almari yg ade space.. tu yg kt uia lg satu locker pnye bju tu bila bwk balik nnt nk letak mana pulak?? aiy0o.. susaa2.. mama ckp.. stop buying stuffs.. but i can hardly resist laa.. shopping is in my blood.. hahaha.. and aku yg terlalu bnyk barang ni.. fadi once said, "hanis, you're just EIGHTEEN...".. yup laa i know.. tp nk buat mcm mne kn.. heee.. yg ni baru baju.. belum masuk lg dgn bags, shoes, books, dvds, teddy bears yg belambak.. haih.. banyaknyeeee.. so, any suggestions anyone? but don't tell me things that you know i won't do.. such as.. "buang je".. or.. "bagi kt aku laa".. or.. ape2 je yg tak logik utk aku.. hahah.. dalam tu pun banyak lagi baju yg belum pernah aku pakai langsung.. ye laa.. asyek beli je.. adoi.. cepat laa kaya.. haha..

okay.. this is certainly not mine lahh.. tp macam ni jugak laa baju aku kt rumah.. maen sangkut kt mana2 sbb almari dah penuh.. huhu..

the view belakang pintu.. and hey.. that's my fav pair of jeans! ;) 

perspectives of beauty

he is good-looking btw.. very2 attractive..

different people have different perspectives.. contoh terdekat.. aku n roommates ku.. tiga2 org look forward to different types of guy to be classified as good looking.. klaka laa discuss pasal bnde ni sbnrnye.. haha..

bila tgh jalan2.. 
fadi; comel laa mamat tu!! hanis; taknak pandang.. hahaha.. ati; aku tak suka pn..

situasi yang lain..
hanis; hot stuff!!! badan dia best.. haha.. fadi n ati; gemuk laa.. hanis; tough laaa!!!

and another one..
ati; uuuu.. handsome! hanis; kepeng laa.. kurus kering je.. fadi; biasa je.. tu 'blues untuk kau' je!! HAHAHA..

conclusion;

okay.. this is HOT! haha..

good looking from hanis's point of view;
-tall.. 180cm is cool enough.. so that i could wear high heels all the time.. and i l0oo0ove stilettos!
-muscular.. hot bod.. i lo0ve athletes.. expecially rugby players.. they have hot bods okay..
-broad shoulders.. so that, his could match mine.. heeee~
-jaws are fabulous.. they accentuate the masculinity of a man.. fewh.. haha.. aku suka gila lahh dgn jaws.. addicted kot.. bole tenung lama2.. erk.. creepy pulak..
-dimples.. kalau aku tgh marah pn.. tgk lesung pipit je bole hilang marah kott.. haha..
-lips.. aku suka tgk lips yg nmpk sdp.. taktau knpe.. caer lahh!! bahaya btol.. huhu..
-the hair plays an important role as well eh.. spike ke moppy.. ke tak kesa laa.. asalkan stylo lahh.. jgn bg aku affro dah laa.. memg aku botakkan je nnt.. hehe..
-eyes.. seductive is gorgeous.. memg kasi melekat laa aku dgn that guy.. uuu.. aku suka sgt tgk mata.. bole fall in love head over heels over the gaung pn bole jatuh lahh.. haiisshh.. haha..
-big hands.. i feel protected. period.
-nice smell.. included in good looking.. i love a guy to smell sexy.. heee..

hey! aku curi gambar kau lg lahh.. hahah..

*p/s: ni bukan characteristic of my romeo skrg eh.. let's just say that i'm lucky enough that i got him, who fulfills all the characteristics.. you may call me the happiest lady in the world.. you may also say that i'm exaggerating.. but this is truely through the perspective of me.. ;)

fadi; she prefers korean guys.. or comel2 guys.. sometimes with rambut kerinting.. which is totally not my type..

ati; dia nk blues utk dia sorg je.. muka baek2.. muka pendiam.. haha.. surely, not my type as well..

handsome! heeee~~

hence, all of us have clearly different opinions about how good people look. *wink wink*

but of all people, these are the most gorgeous ones in my life.. LOVE u all!

*p/s:we love each other very well, thank you.

semak-samun

menyemarakkan lagi post fadi.. haha.. dude.. aku benci kau tau tak? dr dlu lg.. kau tu dah laa mcm gedik je aku tgk.. tolong laa.. aku rimas org childish2 ni.. dgn org laen boleh kott.. but dgn aku.. sorry laa eh.. memg free je kne sembur kn.. menyemak je 24 jam kat sini apahal? menempel tak habis2.. kau sape? aku bukan kenal kau pn.. haha.. my words are harsh, i know.. and i'm proud of that.. sbb kalau aku tak harsh kau pn suka laa kn menyibuk2 sentiasa.. mintak maaf laa eh.. aku memg menyampah.. maybe kau akan ckp.. kalau tak suka knpe tak terus terang je.. what an idiot.. action speaks louder than words laa bitch.. tak nampak2 lagi ape yg slame ni aku buat kt kau? or u just want me to directly sembur kau.. believe me.. u'll regret.. again, i AM harsh.. so, stop playing around and get a life.. for sure, away from my life.. blahh laa kau.. tolong laa faham aku rimas.. lantak kau laa nk kata aku kasar ke apa.. mana bole lembut2 dgn semua org.. kau bukan family aku ke.. best friend aku ke.. balak aku ke.. yang aku boleh bersopan-santun, manja2, senyum gelak semua.. sorry, but in front of the world, aku heartless.. harsh.. peduli apa aku kalau nk terasa pn.. lagi bagus.. sbb at least sedar diri sikit.. haha.. nasib kau malang laa pulak aku kerek dgn kau.. so, pegi cari tempat laen laa.. menyemak seyh kau.. tak habis2 dtg tanpa motif.. kitorg bukan bff kau ke apa nk layan kau memanjang.. eww.. sorry laa.. malas aku.. dtg pastu cerita2.. apa kau ckp pn aku taktau.. yang aku tau.. aku biar je kau ckp sorg2.. haha.. nasib kau laa en.. dtg2 plak tu cte pasal laki sana-sini.. hell-oh.. aku yg ada balak pn tak mcm tu.. pasal semua laki kau nk cerita apahal.. dorg tu ntah2 kenal kau pn tak.. apatah lg nk kesah pasal kau.. tolong laa faham.. aku memang taktau apa masalah kau.. aku taknak laa pulak ckp direct aku menyampah kat kau.. sbb aku memg spesies sng menyampah kt org.. kdg2 tanpa sebab pn.. so, aku malas laa nk besar2kn bnde kecik sbb aku ingt aku sorg je yg meluat dgn kau.. since, aku memg mcm ni, aku ingt aku sorg je yg jahat, tak kesian langsung kt pathetic mcm kau ni.. rpenye ramai lg.. alhamdulillah laa jugak sbb org laen pn sedar kau mcm mne.. cuma kau tu je yg tak sedar2 diri.. aku taktau nk buat apa kasi kau sedar.. dah bnyk sgt pn aku buat selama ni.. kau tu tak paham2 jugak.. and one more thing, aku tak takut pn kalau kau terbaca bnde ni ke apa.. sbb at least kau tau kitorg tak suka kau.. dah jutaan kali kitorg pandang slack pn kau buat2 tak paham.. aku ckp kt sini sebijik2.. harap2 kau sedar laa eh.. penat tau tak bila ada bnde or org yg aku tak suka menggedik2 dkt2 dgn aku.. semua barang aku kau nk kn.. nk kata tak mampu, akaun kau ade bpe bnyk dlm tu? duit sdiri tak bole usik, duit org laen bole habiskn pulak eh.. bole blah.. ingat aku akan bg kalau kau mintak ape2? tolong laa weyh.. kalau aku tak bg kau ckp aku kedekut.. memg slalu pn kau ckp cmtu.. aku taknak kasi kau pinjam laptop, kau kata aku tamak pulak.. bitch, aku nk gne laptop AKU utk buat keje aku pn masalah ke.. kau sape nk semak2 gne laptop aku tu.. aku ulang, LAPTOP ni AKU punye.. bukan kau eh.. tp nk tanye sket, hak apa kau ade nk ckp aku kedekut? barang aku ke brg kau tu? and fyi, dgn org2 yg aku menyampah je aku bo layan.. dgn kwn2 aku aku bg je.. malang laa kau en.. bukan laa aku hadap sgn taknak kasi ape2.. bole je nk pnjm ke.. nk sikit ke.. tp kalau da mcm buat harta milik anda sdn bhd tu bole berambus laa.. dah kalau aku kata aku tgh guna, yg kau merengek2 nk jugak tu apahal? ingt aku nk layan? haram laa.. sikit pn aku tak kesian laa tgk kau pnye mengada tu weyh.. and lg satu, kalau kau nk kutuk2 pn lpas ni, ingat aku kesa.. sikit pn aku tak heran. bukan kau pn yg bg aku 4 flat.. bukan aku mati tak mkn pn kalau kne kutuk dgn kau.. lantak kau laa.. the main point is, kau tak patut mess up with me.. yg memg tak suka kau.. watch ur attitude there dude.. jgn mimpi org nk terima kau kalau kau suka buat bnde yg buat org meluat.. yg buat aku menyampah.. terus terang aku ckp.. aku tak suka org gedik. fullstop. kwn2 aku yg tak kesa dgn budak2 gedik pn bole jd menyampah dgn kau.. jd , jgn nk salahkan sikap aku yg randomly pangkah org.. sbb kalau memg aku sorg je yg tak suka.. mknenye kau takde masalah.. aku je yg tak berkenan dgn kau.. and that is a small matter laa kn.. tp smpi kwn2 aku yg tkde masalah mcm aku ni bole jd bengang gak dgn kau, u're facing shit here dude.. bear in mind.. kitorg da mls nk layan~

superwoman?

cukup ku kenal riak itu.. a serious reply.. sekadar berprotokol.. cuma untuk tampil elok pada mata-mata yang memandang.. tidak sumbang pada telinga2 yang mendengar.. juga manis diluah oleh bibir2 yang bersuara.. ya, hanya itu motifnya.. yup, i do trust you.. tapi.. perjalanan ini jauh lagi.. sedangkan usia yang baru mencecah setahun ini pun sudah terlalu banyak perit jerihnya.. apatah lagi untuk menanti saat menginjak ke 7 tahun itu.. mungkin mustahil pada visi sesetengah atma.. tapi aku masih yakin.. yakin dengan hati.. percaya pada naluri.. kata jiwa ini mungkin benar.. mungkin juga tidak.. tapi aku akan kekal di sini.. masih menunggu.. walau terasa bagai pedang tajam menusuk dan merobek diri.. aku akur.. kau tahu yang aku tak pernah seyakin ini.. kau cukup faham itu.. dan kau sedaya mungkin menjadi diri yang sebenar.. walau kau sangat tahu bahawa terkadang aku juga terguris.. kau abaikan itu.. semata-mata untuk tidak kelihatan palsu.. aku tersedar yang kau hanya begitu terhadapku.. itu yang kulihat.. dan aku masih mampu tersenyum setakat ini.. walau apa pun yang kau perlihatkan.. maaf andai bukan itu yang sebenarnya cuba kau pamerkan.. aku terima semua itu seadanya.. ada dirimu sudah terlalu cukup bagiku.. sehingga kini aku masih tertanya.. tidak sesaat pun deru nafasku tenang tanpa kelibat soalan itu.. soalan yang tak mungkin terjawab.. kau juga cukup tahu yang ini.. sudah sering benar ku suakan padamu.. tapi, kita hanya mampu terus tertanya tanpa menemui kuncinya.. sometimes, something is better when it is remained a secret.. ku juga hanya mampu memejam mata dan cuba memadamnya dari benakku.. walau ku tahu ia takkan pergi.. kau kenal aku.. sangat kenal mungkin.. kau pernah mengungkap yang kau takkan pernah faham aku.. benarkah itu? mungkin aku agak sukar difahami.. lebih suka menunjukkan secara tersirat.. tapi kau kukira cukup baik untukku.. at least you made it this far.. walau jutaan kali goyah dan hampir berpaling.. tapi, hingga kini kita masih di sini.. yup, i know that you know this very well though.. aku juga hairan.. but maybe its just fated this way.. aku cukup tahu yang kalam sebegini sudah terlalu sering ku perdengarkan kepadamu.. tapi, kau tahu aku kan? i'll keep repeating the very same things over and over again.. tika kau marah padaku, seringkali juga kau tuturkan perkara yang sama kepadaku.. tapi maaf, sekerap itu jugalah aku mengulanginya.. maaf sekali lagi.. i'm trying my best here to be a superwoman.. as if that will ever happen.. but at least it is worth trying right? as long as you're still there.. i'll be waiting.. walau jutaan kali telah kau izinkan ku pergi.. katamu, agar aku dapat yang lebih baik.. tapi, aku lebih utuh berpegang bahawa the first one should remain till the end, becoming the last one as well, for eternity.. hanya itu yang menyebabkan aku masih menunggu.. i'm not leaving dear.. i don't want to.. no matter how crazy i'll drive you.. i'll still want to be a part of you.. allow me wont you? namun, aku masih berpijak di bumi nyata.. oleh itu, tiada secebis harapan pun yang ku garapkan.. itu pesanmu.. the very moment you approached me back then.. and i still remember that.. not too much hope indeed.. i might get hurt.. maaf juga andai aku menjengkelkanmu.. berpura-pura baik? maaf, bukan itu niatku.. tapi, jika keadaan diselubungi kemarahan, mampukah api itu reda jika tidak salah seorangpun menjadi air? fikirkan ini.. i'm not trying to be nice.. just that, for me to be patient is always the best way.. at least only towards you.. and yes, you know this very well also.. you wont want to see me as the old me.. trust me.. you'll regret.. so, since i'm trying to accept you, as you are now, not the guy you used to be, i hope that you can accept me for who i am as well.. but its always fine for you to criticize anything.. aku terima andai ada yang kurang selesa bagimu.. suarakan padaku dan akan kucuba sebaik mungkin untuk penuhi harapanmu.. itu janjiku.. you are one of the most important people in my life.. don't leave.. i need you and them to stay strong.. but i can only hope for the best though.. for me.. for you.. for us.. for them..


*p/s: you know you changed me.. so, i hope it's fine for you to accept me.. dude.. how on earth could i happen to stuck with you.. i wonder.. too many sighs dah aku release.. tp still tak faham.. *sigh*

ONE YEAR & COUNTING

uia semakin melambai dan memanggil manakala cuti kian melangkah pergi.. malas laa.. hmm.. sejarah telah lama terukir.. and she's here to reminisce the moments..

2 Jan 2010; 7.30 a.m.;
patutnye, waktu ni da kne g stadium.. budak plkn laa katakan.. huhu.. tp waktu ni.. brg pn tak siap lg.. punyelaa tak ingin nk g plkn tu.. hehe.. akhirnye.. kul 8.30 baru dia ade kt stadium tu.. buat2 laa mcm ayah anda pnye bus plkn nk lmbt2 pn takpe.. dia juz bwk 1 backpack n 1 luggage.. outfit pulak.. black tshirt.. baggy khakis pants.. muka pulak sikit bedak pn tak letak.. flip flops je dia pakai.. 1st impression of people towards her; rebellious.. but she didn't even care.. lantak laa.. bukan dia mntk pn bnde plkn ni.. heh.. dia tak peduli sape2 pn kt sekeliling dia.. and she also didn't realize that standing right behind her, was someone who will make a big impact in her life, later on.. she got on the bus and sit.. again, that very same dude was sitting right behind her.. both of them knew nothing and not expecting anything.. today, she knows that she has always been wishing to get to know that guy earlier.. how bout that dude? she never knows..

she's all happy to be his girl.. sume start pn in the end of plkn.. dia tak pnah knal pn that guy smpi da nk abis plkn tu.. dia tak pernah pn take any boys as a special someone.. but this time.. her instinct told her that he is the one.. she never knows why.. but she follows everything that was told by her instinct, for they are always right.. dia pn tak pernah expect that he could change her.. yup.. he's a bit of a jerk.. slalu je dia rse nk nangis n pressure because of him.. dia pernah regret her decision to accept him, back then.. tp dia cpt2 sedar.. after all, semua ni dtg dr Dia, and she should never have questioned.. slalu dia fikir.. why him?? padahal he always hurt her.. ntah.. dia takkan pernah ada jawapan untuk itu.. dia bole je blah bila2 dia suka.. there is someone waiting for her anyway.. tp, dia rase mcm ada something that stopped her from leaving.. and again, dia tak tau what is it.. dia tak tau knpe dia perlu stay.. but there's nothing that she could do, other than just.. stay.. she has asked Him.. in fact, she always ask Him.. but she got him as an answer.. so, why put the blame on her anyway.. yes, she deserves a whole lot better guy than him.. but as long as she was concern, she thinks that he's fine anyway.. very fine.. even if others disagree.. she couldn't care less anyway..

today, after a whole year had passed.. she's still with him.. and she's happy to be with him.. nk ckp pasal gaduh, memg jutaan kali laa.. tp, where's the fire kalau everything just go smoothly, right? there're always ups and downs.. too many if referred to them.. but she's fine with it.. all she knows that she shouldn't give up on anything.. she knows just very well, what's right and what's not.. she smiles all the hard way.. but the smile don't always represent happiness.. maybe.. just maybe.. she's very good at lying.. and hiding her feelings.. she cries in her sleep.. all alone.. no one knows.. dia tak kesa mcm mne pn the boy.. dia taktau knpe dia sgt amenable.. all she knows, she just go with the flow.. and she's certain that the flow will lead her to happiness.. one day.. when is that day? she's willing to wait even if it takes forever.. and again, she can't find the reason of her being so willing to do so.. she never knows.. he doesn't even have any slightest idea.. they couldn't think of any valid explanation, or possibilities.. and me? i'm just the one who tells the story.. of her.. of him.. of them.. and probably, of us.. ;)

*p/s: you shouldn't guess! xoxo~

Azuan, Amir, Aiman, Farhan, Hajar n Sesiapa Sahaja.. sila ambil tag ini.. oh and fadi.. thanks for the tag! ;)

· adakah anda rasa anda hot??

I’m delicious laa! Hahaha.. ;p

· upload wallpaper pc/laptop yang anda guna sekarang!

   Mana bole.. secret! ;)

· cerita pasal gambar.

   I love to be“snap”ed? Guess so.. =)

· bilakah kali terakhir anda makan pizza?

   Somewhere in August.. lamanya da tak mkn..  

· lagu terakhir anda dengar.

   "One Republic-Secrets".. why did i listen to this? erm.. it's a secret! =)

· apa yang anda buat selain menyelesaikan tag ini?

   Baru bangun tido laa.. gosok gigi pn belum ni.. heee~~

· selain nama sendiri, anda dipanggil nama apa?

   He called me heartless! Hahaha..

· tag lagi 6 orang.

1.      Azuan Salim

2.      Amir Zahin

3.      Aiman Haziq

4.      Farhan my classmate

5.      Hajar Ku

6.      Sesiapa sahaja!

· siapakah orng no.1 kepada anda?

   Hehe.. he is a “someone” in my life after all.. ;)

· katakan sesuatu mengenai orang no.5.

   Babe.. lama tak hangout kn! ;)

· no.3 ada hubungan dengan siapa?

   Haha.. taktau2! ;D

· bagaimana pula dengan no.4?

   Juga tidak diketahui.. saya bukan paparazzi! ;p

· pesanan buat orang no.6?

   Semua org sila laa buat tag ni.. fadi yg start.. bukan aku.. haahaha..

· kata-kata cinta untuk orng no.2.

   Duhh.. hi amir! ;p

· berikan 5 yang anda tahu tentang orang yang men-tag anda.

1.      roommate yg slalu kata “me and him” gila.. hahaha

2.      dia suka makan.. dan suka paksa saya makan.. T.T

3.      class rep “berwibawa”! ahaha..

4.      peneraju kapak? Heee~~

5.      ;D she do laughs a lot.. HAHAHHAHAHAA..

· persamaan antara kambing dan lembu.

   Dua2 poultry.. edible.. and sedap~ ;p

· perasaan anda buat tag ni.

Rasa mengantuk dan nak sambung tdo tp tgh tunggu org dtg jd kalau sy pegi tido nnt kalau org tu sampai mcm mana?? Huhu~

· adakah anda tahu si Rizman itu sengal

   0o.. Rizman tu memang mcm tu.. (Sy tak kenal sesiapa bernama rizman. Terima kasih.)

· gay or les?

   Both.. eww.. haha.. A straight lady laa! Kalau tak aku tak cari bf hot laa.. hahaha.. ;D

the I.N.V.I.S.I.B.I.L.I.T.Y of MOI

'

one beautiful day.. starving (as always.. haha).. having lunch with fadi.. fullstop.. that's the normal part.. 

oke.. come to the exclusive.. fadi left me sorg2 sbb dia nk basuh tangan.. 1 minute.. I ate.. 2 minutes.. I just ate.. 3 minutes.. I ate and watch the tv.. in the middle of the 3rd minute, *gasp*! there's this who-ever dude sat right beside me.. yes.. my table.. I was like..  

actually.. i mean.. "it's my table now.." sigh~

WHAT??? WHO ARE YOU??? CAN'T YOU SEE THAT YOU'RE SITTING AT MY TABLE???  

aku dah kaku gi-la lahh time tu.. hahaha.. signboard "males and females please sit separately" betul2 depan mata.. what's wrong with this lad i wonder.. aku trase INVISIBLE dah time tu.. maybe dia tak nampak kott aku kt situ.. rase mcm nk je baling ayam aku kt dia biar dia sedar sket.. duhh. fadi, cptlahh dtg balik!! hahaha.. after 5 minutes.. fadi return to our table.. and was like.. *gasp.. hanis kwn kau ke tu???*.. never!! i don't even know this guy.. fadi duduk dpn aku.. but mamat ni mcm tak nmpk je yg the table that he had chosen, was occupied! by us.. girls.. =.=".. a few minutes later.. dia pn blah.. just like that.. and we were like.. "HUH??".. mamat ni ngigau kott siang2 ni.. what ever lahh dude.. kau ni plek laa.. hahahahaa..

~ K I S S A B L E ~

0oh.. da seminggu aku terasa sexy mcm angelina jolie.. luscious lahh my lips.. uuu.. semuanya pasal ulcer tersayang yg setia bersama aku setiap detik dan waktu.. susah mahupun senang.. it's adorably kissable.. hahhahahah.. ape tah aku merepek ni.. oke.. back to reality.. shoot! gila saket lahh bnde ni.. waaa.. muncul sampai 5 skali.. kt bibir pulak tu.. sbb ni laa yg luscious jap ni.. huhu.. oke the pain is like "what"??? trying my best to endure it but still.. it does HURT.. so much.. huuuu~~~ hell-oh.. aku da letak garam.. bonjela.. everything.. tp tak sembuh2 pn.. haihh.. speechless lahh now.. nk bukak mulut pun susaa.. hahah.. the best part.. mkn pn susaa.. =.=".. hehehe.. minggu ni pulak dah 3 kali aku jejak klinik cfs IIUM ni.. atas beberapa sebab berbeza laa.. tp.. tak kira.. sok aku nak gak jmpe cik puan doktor tersayang.. tak tahan dah kott.. yg tak bole blah.. keje bleeding je.. dlm kelas ke.. tgh2 jalan ke.. mana2 je laa.. haha.. yg ni aku pn tak tau da nk ckp cne.. sakitt lahh! tkpe.. tahan sikit.. bak kata kwn2 ku.. "seminggu dua ni laa pulak ada asset sexy lips.. hahaha" mcm tu pulak ke.. ape2 je laa.. erm.. ;]

*p/s: sbnrnye aku da taktau nk tulis apa.. merepek je kott mlm ni.. heeeee~~~

today

chill hanis.. but i really don't know what to do.. aku pressure laa.. org ni ckp cmni.. org tu ckp cmtu.. aku tak suka marah2.. tp kdg2 aku marah jugak.. just, ada certain peoples yg aku tak mampu nk marah.. i don't want to ignite the fire.. aku taknak things get worse.. sorry sorry sorry.. sbb aku tak mampu puaskan hati semua org.. and don't i have the rights to express my feelings the way i'm comfortable with? fine, then tell me how should i do it, i'll consider.. but please.. please and please.. jgn pressure aku lg.. yup i may look strong outside.. but i do let out my cry sometimes.. only to certain peoples.. Allah knows better why He made me this way, why He made you this way, and why He made us this way.. yes, i might regret that i met u before but i can't change what's fated.. and how much i regret that, i'm still grateful for that.. and sorry i don't have the guts to leave.. i tried but there's something stopping me to do so.. there's something telling me that there will be something waiting in the future.. i might not know what the thing is but i'm willing to wait.. i've asked Him and He guide me here.. so don't put the blame on me because i might not satisfy what u're looking for.. ask Him and he'll give the answer.. and may u see the truth behind these.. i can only wish.. but i dont have the power to decide.. i leave this to Him.. but i'm still a weak human being.. i cant stop myself from being wrong sometimes.. i admit that i'm easily get hurt.. and sorry for that.. i'll try to improve.. and sorry for making u feel guilty.. i never intend to.. i'll try to improve that as well.. and i do try my best.. i may not give what u need but ask Him for the reason.. for i shall not know better.. sorry and thank you~

*p/s: leave with a smile~

RHESUS?

Jangan tanya kenapa tiba2 aku letak post nih.. huhu~


The Rhesus factor is an antigen, or more specifically a protein, that exists on the surface of red blood cells. There are four general categories of blood: A, B, O, and AB. Each blood type is further labeled as positive or negative, which is a reference to the Rhesus factor of the blood. People with the Rhesus factor, that is, people with the antigen present in their blood, are Rh-positive. People without the Rhesus factor, that is, people that don't have the antigen in their blood, are Rh-negative (That is ME. Yup, I'm Rh-negative).


A person's Rh type is generally significant only with respect to pregnancies (luckily the Rh does not affect everything in my life.. huhu..). Specifically, a Rh-positive child born to an Rh-negative woman runs the risk of developing Rh disease. Only Rh-negative women risk having children with the Rhesus factor disease; Rh-positive women do not. So, for a Rh-negative woman to have a Rh-positive child, the father must have been Rh-positive (only when the guy is Rh-positive, then I'm in danger. hahah. tp kalau fated aku accept je. there's always hikmah right? huhu..). A Rh-positive man has a 50% chance of passing on his Rh-positive blood type to the child. (Means, if the father is Rh-positive, then the mother will be in a big trouble. aww...)

If the mother is Rh-negative and the child is Rh-positive, and the child's blood enters the woman's bloodstream during the pregnancy, labor, or delivery, the woman's immune system may respond by producing antibodies to fight off the child's antigens which are foreign to the woman's system. That is, the woman's body may naturally produce antibodies which attack the baby's blood, causing the baby's red blood cells to break down. The result of this incompatibility will not affect the health of the mother but it can affect the child's health. Potential health problems include jaundice, anemia, brain or heart damage, and in severe cases Rh disease can be fatal. (Gasp!)

The Rhesus factor is less likely to affect the first-born child because the woman's system will have had less time and is therefore less likely to produce the antibodies to fight off the antigens in the child's Rh-positive blood. If the woman has become sensitized, that is, her immune system responded by producing antibodies, those antibodies will be present in her system for the rest of her life. (I've always been wishing to have quadruplets lahh.. Ya Allah.. please grant this wish.. heeee..). Therefore, disparate Rhesus factor types between a woman and her child can increase the potential for Rh disease in each subsequent pregnancy.

But, every problem has a solution. And I'm grateful for this oke. ;)

Preventative measures to protect against the Rhesus factor disease and their devastating effects are available. Women should be tested early in their first pregnancies to determine whether they are Rh-negative and whether they are sensitized. Sensitization may not only occur through normal pregnancies, but at any time a woman and her child's blood mix, including miscarriages, ectopic pregnancies, and blood transfusions.

If a woman is Rh-negative, and has not yet been sensitized, she will likely be given an injection of a blood product known as Rh immunoglobulin (Rhlg) at about seven months into the pregnancy. This should prevent sensitization for the rest of the pregnancy. The Rhlg shot seeks to destroy any antigens present in the bloodstream before the mother is able to create antibodies. Additionally, it is generally recommended that the newborn be tested for his or her Rhesus blood type. If the child is positive, the mother is often given another Rhlg shot shortly after birth to prevent her from becoming sensitized. Rhlg injections only last for a given pregnancy. Subsequent pregnancies will likely require separate Rhlg injections.

If the woman is Rh-negative and has been sensitized, the Rhlg injection will not help. Close monitoring of the baby should be conducted to ensure that Rh disease is not developing. Blood transfusions to replace the diseased blood with healthy blood may be given during or after delivery depending on the circumstances.

quadruplets!

Yes, I have to go through lots of thick and thins in the future due to this matter. But I do believe that there's a reason behind this. And worry not dear, I'm not the only one in this world facing this problem. So, cheer up and get a life. Face it. You're strong kan. you go girl! huhu~

*p/s: I LOVE YOU dear! ;)

HARRY POTTER

*0oppss.. ni gmbr yg tkde kaitan.. heee*

TGV Cinema
BUKIT TINGGI
Fri Nov 19, 2010 04:20 p.m.
HP7: P1 (PGI13)
RM11.00
Room 7 (Seat L6)

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Part I

td aku g cinema tgk Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows.. sket laa preview.. Mad-Eye Moody mati masa awal2 cerita lg.. Hedwig pn sama.. agak mengejutkn sbb baru nk cari kedudukan selesa di atas seat panggung tu da ada mati2 dah.. haiihh.. and.. sket2 lovey-dovey.. comel! and sdey2 sana-sini.. suspense sket2 sbb sound effect kot.. and spell-ape-bnde-tah yg dorg sebut tu pn buat terkejut2 jugak.. haha.. overall cte ni not bad laa.. erm.. just that.. cpt laa kuarkn part II! hehe.. btw, takyah laa tnye aku best ke tak.. terang2 aku minat that daniel guy.. sure laa aku suka je cerita tu.. huhu.. boy, i do adore this dude since zaman skola kanak2 dulukala.. sgt cute laa kn this guy masa dia kecik2.. da besar pn good looking je.. tp mcm tak tinggi laa pulak.. erm.. first time aku tgk cte ni, of course laa dia pnye 1st movie dlu.. Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone.. or.. Harry Potter & The Philosopher's Stone.. Sama je laa mne2 pn.. Dulu masa aku drjh 4, aku merajuk sbb tak dpt tgk Sabrina The Teenage Witch.. masa tu.. kt NTV7, 8.30 pm smpi 9.30 pm.. biaselaa.. berebut TV dgn adik2.. aku pn duk je dlm bilik.. tbe2 terjmpe VCD HP&TSS.. tgk laa cte tu.. then, love at first sight kott dgn HP ni.. hahaha.. mcm lawak sbb mase tu budak2 lg da reti pulak laa minat2 hot lads ni kn..

Harry Potter & The Sorcerer's Stone

and then kuar laa 2nd movie.. yg ni aku pnjm kwn je cd nye.. hehe.. yg ni aku ingt harry mcm jahat je.. sbb dia makin dkt dgn voldemort kott.. tp.. the main point is.. TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE aka I AM LORD VOLDEMORT ni gorgeous! haha.. tak pasal en.. 

Harry Potter & The Chamber of Secrets

Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban.. the first movie ever aku masuk wayang.. huhu.. touching laa pulak dia jmpe Sirius Black..Hippogriff tu pulak mcm best je kalau ade kn.. heee.. berangan pulak..

Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban

next.. Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire.. cool seyh yg ni.. aku suka lahh beauxbatons pnye intro masa dorg smpi kt hogwarts.. demure gila.. graceful pn ye.. waa.. smart laa.. and aku suka nama headmaster Durmstrang tu.. Karkaroff.. mcm nama burung je aku dgr.. hahhah.. and aku suke laa triwizard tournament tu.. mcm smart je.. huhu.. and lg satu.. Cedric Diggory takes the lead of the hot guys.. and viktor krum.. aku suka nama dia.. Stanislav Ianevski.. unique!

Harry Potter & The Goblet of Fire

Harry Potter & The Order of Pheonix.. the only book of the series that i read before watching the movie.. memang tension.. sbb tau bnyk sgt bnde kne cut.. Evalynn Lynch makes a cute Luna Lovegood! and Dolores Umbridge is perfectly annoying.. and.. aww.. Harry Potter dgn Cho Chang kissed dlm room of requirement tu if i'm not mistaken.. and kakak dormku mse tu suh aku bnyk2 bersabar.. tak pasal2 je kn! haha.. tp aku suka laa part Dumbledore's Army buat patronus charm dlm Room of Requirement tu.. smart lahh bnde2 yg dorg buat tuu.. simply magnificent!

Harry Potter & The Order of Pheonix; Dumbledore's Army

Harry Potter & The Order of Pheonix

lastly.. Harry Potter & The Half Blood Prince.. not bad.. tp kurang thrill laa dia pnye horcruxes searching scenes.. revelations of horcruxes.. flashbacks here and there.. last2 dumbledore mati plak tu.. haihh.. makin menakutkn plak aku rse Voldermort ni.. huhu.. nice one laa Rowling.. Kudos!

Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince

aku rasa that's all kott.. penat laa pulak typing ni.. huhu.. till then.. bubbye!

*p/s: i don't care if u call this childish.. because.. whatever u say.. i won't mind.. since i like this! 2 thumbs up! sigh~

btw, i am really looking forward for Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows; Part II
;)

from my point of view

cinta adalah kekuatan..
yang mampu mengubah duri jadi mawar..
mengubah cuka jadi anggur..
mengubah sedih jadi riang..
mengubah amarah jadi ramah..
mengubah musibah jadi muhibbah..
itulah cinta..

tapi.. masihkah "cinta" jika..

kekuatan itu hilang saat berhadapan dengannya..
mawar tidak lagi dipandang pada indah rupanya.. tapi pedih durinya..
yang semanis anggur menjadi begitu pahit untuk ditelan..
bibir yang selama ini terukir senyum kian pudar.. lalu diganti airmata yang setia menemani tiap detik yang berlalu..
apabila saat bersendirian itu terasa lebih diharapkan..
dan jika hati kian dilanda walang..

namun di suatu sudut yang lain pula.. cinta itu sebenarnya indah kerana..

jika hilang kekuatan tidak bererti timbul kelemahan.. cuma tunduk pada keegoan hati sendiri dan mengalah pada yang disayangi..
yang memedihkan juga mungkin akan lebih terkesan di hati.. lalu sentiasa diingati..
kadangkala juga yang pahit itu adalah penawar..
airmata mungkin juga akan menjadi penyeri.. kepada wajah yang kian sepi..
bersendirian membuat kita lebih berfikir dan menghargai..
dan derita juga boleh menjadi kunci kepada permulaan bahagia..

aku merasa ada yang hilang..
tanpa tau apa yang sudah kutemukan..
aku merasa menemukan..
tanpa tau apa yang aku cari..
dan aku seperti masih mencari..
tanpa tau apa yang sudah hilang..
aku telah belajar sesuatu..
untuk hargai yang ada di depanku..
sebelum aku menyesali kehilangannya..
dan meragui kemunculan sesuatu yang lain..